Sunday, November 24, 2013

Tar, Feathers & Heartbreak


"I want to be tarred and feathered!"

"Tarred and feathered?" I wanted to make sure I'd heard him correctly.

"Yes!"

"All right then. But how about you eat your lunch first?"

"Okay."

Paul was sitting across the table from me and my Mom when he made this announcement. I was feeding her a plateful of colourful piles of puree, which she seemed to be enjoying. My nose told me it was turkey, Brussels sprouts, mashed potatoes and gravy, although my eyes disagreed.

The brushing of teeth is not practiced here on people with Alzheimer's because it's traumatic for the residents and very difficult for the nurses. I think they use some kind of fluoride mouthwash, but clearly it's not too effective as within three years of moving in, my mother's teeth were covered with white marks and (they thought) causing her pain - so they pulled every single one out. It was a very difficult decision for my father and sister to make as my Mom was always proud of her pretty smile, but the results were nearly instant. She ate ravenously. No one had known how uncomfortable eating had been for her until then.

We'd made it to the chocolate mousse with whipped cream when Aussie nurse Sue visited our table.

"Hey Sue. So Paul would like to be tarred and feathered today if you have time in your schedule."

"Ah yes. He's been asking for that all morning. I'll check the entertainment schedule for this afternoon, k Paul?"

"Okay."

While talking to Sue I'd moved my eyes away from my mother and in that second she'd leaned in with her chin going for the bite of mousse I'd had hovering there. I inadvertently let my hand dip a bit, just enough that my Mom missed the spoon and got a bite of air. She lit up and laughed her own true laugh, and it warmed and pierced my soul at the same time. And then she was gone. She was here for that one split second and I kept hearing her laugh in my mind over and over again.

"I'm going on my honeymoon. Where should I go?" Rob, sitting next to us, asked Sue.

"Australia, of course."

"Oh that's a good idea. I can marry a koala bear."

"Ha! A koala? What would your lovely wife have to say about that?!"

"She'd say, 'You just married a bear.'"

Sue and I found this hilarious and I for one welcomed the comic relief.


On my way out after the nurses brought my Mom to bed for her nap before my Dad's daily visit, I could hear snippets from people's long lives being mumbled over and over. And just as the door was closing, one clear voice escaped behind me.

"I want to be tarred and feathered!"


I suppose that's better than drawn and quartered.



2 comments:

  1. Thank you Kim for sharing this bittersweet story! I always loved your mum smile and her laughter! I always think of her when I drink a Fuzzy Navel or when I make ribs. Love to all of you and Merry Christmas!! Veronica

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